So here's the thing... I have two brothers; both of which were 100% boy (though they may argue that they're now actually men-HA!). When I was a little girl, I was knocked down, pushed around and verbally bitch-slapped on a daily basis. I learned, at a very early age, that "thick-skin" was a necessity and crying was for (pardon my French) pussies. I knew whatever THAT meant, it made me less of a man, and so I did my best to conceal any emotion, especially when it came to the icky "L" word.
When I think back to my childhood, I can't really recall ever saying "I love you" to my parents, nor do I remember hearing them say it to me, though I'm sure that they did. It wasn't until I was older... much older, and in a relationship that the "L" word reared its ugly head. As memory serves me, he said it first and I felt an enormous pressure to say it back (even though I knew I felt the same). I was so uncomfortable with the idea of exposing my heart, that I simply chose not to, and it would be many years and relationships later; via therapeutic couches, seminars and books, that I learned to let go of my biggest fear.
When my daughter was born, actually BEFORE she was born, I would have long conversations with her, which always ended the same way; by me telling her that we couldn't wait to meet her and how much we already loved her. By the time she came out of the oven, I felt like we were old pals. She smiled at me with those gigantic eyes and we both just knew that this was going to be a great life. If I had to guess, I'd say we use the "L" word at least 16 times a day (triple that number when she's not in school), and I feel confident that we are paving a positive path for any future relationships. Last week, she asked me if she could have some Pirate Booty (a/k/a kiddy crack). I responded, "Of course you can." She ran into the kitchen, arms flailing, and said, "I love you, Mommy!" <Eyes watering> I smiled at her with my heart and scooped her into my arms, "I love you, too, my little sweetheart!"
What a sweet story! I love that you said "I felt like we were old pals". I felt the same way when I had my son. It's such a wonderful feeling. Isn't it so precious when little ones tell you they love you alll day long? I love it!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you make it a point to tell her you love her so often. That's so sweet. We use it all the time in our family, too.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised when I found out that not every family says it. When my husband (then boyfriend) was talking to his dad on the phone and he didn't say "Love you" before he hung up the phone, I was astonished.
Bobina and I were raised in old school, unaffectionate households. we have just the opposite at our house with our three girls. LOVE is thrown around dozens of times a day. Our teenager even says "gosh, ya'll, I get it, you love me."
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is a doll.
i wish there was a way to "LIKE" comments... ya'll ROCK, thanks! ;-)
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty amazing how these little people can shift our whole way of interacting with the world. My folks loved each other; I knew that, but I never saw it. I've never been super affectionate with those I love but when my little guy entered the picture, it just became easier and more natural. Thanks for the post!
ReplyDeleteIt took me a while to sort my feelings for my child. Overwhelming instinctual need to protect and nurture were present from the get go. Loving and experiencing enjoyment in my child developed over a period of three months. I think a lot of it had to do with sifting through my own feelings about my mother and how I felt about her as a child. I really like the candidness of your blog.
ReplyDeleteI "Love" this story. As a kid from an emotionally dysfunctional (I mean "expressed") Sicilian family, there were many confessions of love (amidst the arguing), and for that I'm very grateful. Ya can't ever get too much of the greatest thing!
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