Thursday, February 16, 2012
Oh... for JOY!
There is no better feeling in the world than the feeling of complete freedom. I've often wondered if it would be better to simply have no memory at all. I think if I were able to forget my past, I would be an entirely different person altogether. Maybe I'd be softer, less cynical, more confident, or better yet... happier.
Sometimes, I look at her little face and I am thrown back in time. It's dead quiet; no noise, just a soothing breeze, a couple of rustling leaves and the occasional squeak of metal against metal as I pump my legs on the upswing. I'm in my backyard, alone, with nothing but an active imagination and time on my hands. No one knows I'm here and no one is here to take this away from me. For a few priceless moments, I am at peace, relaxed, free. ...and then I'm back.
Though I'm sure there were times, I can't recall ever being as happy as she IS in the photo above. Is it because all of my happy memories were tarnished with sad? Or, maybe it's because I only choose to remember the bad one's? What if there simply aren't any? Unlike myself, my parents' weren't too hip on documenting our lives in the visual sense. There are very few pictures from our childhood and even less video... okay, there were NO videos, but we can scratch that up to a lack of funds. Bottom line: The only real memories I have are from that in my head... and even that's a stretch.
One day, my daughter is going to be the age I am today. She'll lean back, close her eyes and smile as her stylist rinses the dye (which covers the grey) from her hair. If she's lucky, she might find herself reflecting on yesterday: huddled together in a warm shower, hysterically laughing at her mother's old boobies. If she's really lucky... it'll be the worst memory she'll ever have. For both our sakes, I hope it is.